


the goddess of love is looking down on us

by i_risewiththe_moon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Canon Compliant, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, POV Sirius Black, goodboylupin's RS Candy Hearts Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:14:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29647716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_risewiththe_moon/pseuds/i_risewiththe_moon
Summary: What happens when Sirius and Remus find themselves alone in the Astronomy Tower in 6th year? Hopefully, confessions and revelations. (part of goodboylupin's RS Candy Hearts Challenge with the prompt: Venus.)
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 63
Collections: The Candy Hearts Challenge





	the goddess of love is looking down on us

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my very late addition to goodboylupin's Candy Hearts Challenge! My prompt was VENUS. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> disclaimer: characters belong to JK Rowling. I do not support JK Rowling at all, and please don't interact if you do.

It was supposed to be all four of them. They had scheduled a night to go to the Astronomy Tower. The location was dually fitting because Peter needed help with Astronomy homework, and James and Sirius needed a private place to discuss their prank ideas. All they could think of was changing out the Slytherin shampoos with glue, but as Remus so helpfully pointed out, they had already done that in Fourth Year. So, yes, tonight was supposed to be a very productive night for all of them. 

But then, Peter got detention for copying off Lily’s homework, and James had gotten a concussion for trying to impress Lily at Quidditch practice. (She claimed she went to support Marlene, but Sirius had doubts.) 

And so, it was just two of them. And it should have been fine. Remus and Sirius have been best friends since they were eleven. He really shouldn’t be as nervous as he is. Sirius knows all of Remus’ secrets, and Remus his. All of his secrets except one. Until they were saying goodbye on the train last June, and Sirius had a Remus shaped whole in his heart all summer. No matter how much he distracted himself it was still there. If it had been all four of them Sirius could have ignored it. Or at least faked it. 

“I left my astronomy homework off until the last minute. I thought I would be helping Pete out with it.” Remus’ huffs interrupted Sirius’ inner turmoil. 

“Well, isn’t it nice to not worry about Wormy while doing it?” Remus had been bearing the brunt of Peter’s lack of astronomical expertise. Objectively, Sirius was the best of them at a astronomy, but Peter knew better than to ask for his help. Sirius spent the first few years at Hogwarts purposefully failing his Astronomy exams just to spite his namesake. It wasn’t until Remus pulled him aside in Third Year and told him, ‘he was wasting his talents’ and ‘proving his family right’ and ‘being a plonker’ did he start caring. He hadn’t spoken to him for a week after that, but in the end was grateful for his harsh words. Still, his talent at Astronomy was an open secret, and not to be discussed.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong it will be easier without him around.” Remus paused, like he just realized what he said, then looked up at Sirius sternly- “Don’t repeat that.”

“Never,” he declared with faux dramatics and crossed his heart. Remus smiled, and went back to his work. Sirius watched him quietly for a while. His curls fell into his face, and Sirius had to sit on his hands to stop himself from pushing them back. 

“Well, riddle me this. If you are grateful to do your work without Pete’s pestering, why are you upset you left it off?”

“I’m missing Caradoc’s Ancient Runes study group.”

Right. Like an ice pick through his sternum. Every once in a while, Sirius was able to forget about Caradoc Dearborn. Forget that he was a handsome, tall, kind bloke that Remus was spending so much of his time with. In moments like this, when it was just the two of them, he forgot that Remus wasn’t actually his. And that is why being alone with Remus was such a dangerous equation. They were silent for a while after this. Sirius wondered if Remus’ bad mood had rubbed off on him or if it was his own demons. 

“You aren’t doing yours.” Again, the other boy’s words interrupted Sirius’ thoughts. 

“What?”

“Your homework- you aren’t doing it.” Remus had been looking at him expectantly, and Sirius wondered how many times they were going to do this dance. Sirius staring at Remus until he notices, Remus speaking to Sirius until he notices. 

“I did it last night.” Sirius had spent long hours brooding by himself in the Astronomy Tower after seeing Remus and Caradoc’s heads bent together whispering to each other in the Common Room. Caradoc wasn’t even a Gryffindor. He was set to graduate in three months. Why he was spending his time bothering Remus? James kept telling Sirius that he was looking into it too much, but James was also saying that if he just noticed the way Remus looked at him, he wouldn’t be so worried. 

“Then what are you doing here?” Obviously, James was a concussed idiot. 

“Because we had plans. But, if you want me to leave, I will.” Sirius made to get up and did nothing to hide his hurt.

“No, that’s not what I said. That’s not what I meant. Wait-“ Remus grabbed his wrist and then immediately let go. Like he had been burned. 

“You don’t want me here, I’m leaving.”

Remus ran a hand through his hair. “Padfoot, I’m sorry that’s not what I meant. I just… I mean… you must have better things to do. We made plans to plan a prank on the Slytherins, not plans to just… you know… do this. So I just… thought…” He was talking with his hands and floundering and Sirius decided to take pity on him. 

“What better things?” 

“I don’t know, Sirius, like talk up the girls in the Common Room, or bother Filch, or something.” Sirius wanted to scream. Wanted to scream at Remus for being so obtuse. Instead he settled back down and addressed his next words to the tower wall in front of him.

“You’re my best friend Moony, I don’t know why you think I’d rather do those things than hang out with you.” 

Remus’ face morphed into a facial expression Sirius was familiar with. It was carefully blank, like if he raised an eyebrow or lifted his lips all his secrets would be given away. He stared back down at his homework. “Right. Sorry.”

They were quiet after that. It was an uncomfortable quiet. Once upon a time they were able to sit and enjoy each other’s silence. Now they couldn’t look at each other without picking a fight. Which is why Sirius stood up and asked, “Well, what about you? Wouldn’t you rather be with that Dearborn bloke than sitting here with me?”

It wasn’t fair, but Sirius was hurt, and willing to take everyone else down with him. 

Remus scowled up at him, “No, I wouldn’t rather be at a study group.” Answered like is was obvious and Sirius just scoffed.

“You just said you would rather be at the sodding study group!”

“I meant I wish I could be there because I need help with Ancient Runes. No one actually enjoys study groups!”

“You seem to be enjoying Dearborn’s plenty.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Remus slammed his papers down and glared.

“Nothing. It doesn’t mean anything.” 

“Bullshit.” Remus crossed his arms. 

“You’ve just been spending a lot of time with him that’s all.” Sirius kicked at the wall. 

“Well, I’m allowed to have friends besides you.” They both froze. Remus pulled at his hair and stared resolutely at the lake below. Sirius fished in his back pocket for his cigarettes. He began to pace back and forth. He did it because he was antsy and needed to get his energy out. He did it because he knew it would annoy Remus. 

“I know you can have friends besides me. Merlin, I’m not trying to control you or some shite Remus.”

“I know that-“

“I mean I’m just looking out for you! If you saw the way he looked at you!”

“What-“

“I mean, Merlin, it’s borderline pornographic. And outright-”

“Sirius!” He went silent at Remus’ shout. “Not that it’s any of your business. But, I’m certain Caradoc is as straight as an arrow. And even if he wasn’t, I don’t fancy him, so it doesn’t matter!” Remus’ face went red, and Sirius couldn’t tell if it was from anger or something else. He wanted to kick himself, he was not doing any of this right at all. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah- okay.” Sirius sighed, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just, I guess, I want you to feel comfortable telling me things like that. And when I noticed you hanging out with him more, I was upset, because, like, I don’t know Moony, if you did fancy him I’d want you to feel comfortable telling me. And I just thought you weren’t, so I got angry.” He was rambling and lying, and he hated himself. 

“Okay. Apology accepted.” Remus sounded deflated, he had his peculiar blank face put back on. He busied himself with his star charts. Sirius had to turn away from him to gather himself. It was silent for a long time.

“Padfoot.” Remus sounded nervous. “I’m lost.”

“Lost?” Sirius turned to look at him. 

“Yeah, lost. I don’t, I don’t understand this star chart.” He looked abashed. Embarrassed to need help. Sirius accepted it as the olive branch that it was. 

“Well, let’s take a look, shall we?” Sirius sat down beside Remus, close enough to see his star chart, but not close enough to touch. “Well, that’s your problem Moons, that’s Venus right there, not there.” Remus looked at his star chart, then at the stars, and back again. Sirius loved him like this. When Remus was deep in thought he had a habit of creasing his brow and biting the inside of his cheek.

“Okay, I’m seeing that, but then, if this isn’t Venus, what is it?” Sirius looked at the stars in the sky. When he looked back down he was almost nose to nose with Remus. The other boy reeled back slightly, blushing, and muttering apologies. Something in Sirius’ head clicked. A voice that sounded a lot like James, ‘Pads, mate, if you just paid attention to the right things you wouldn’t be getting grey hairs over this. I mean, Merlin, just the way he looks at you.' With this newfound confidence, he looked Remus in the eye and said,

“Did you know that Venus is named after the Roman goddess of love?” It was open ended enough. It could be a friend sharing information, it could be a friend sharing a confession. 

“Yes. And beauty.” Remus whispered back after a beat.

“And the mother of Cupid.”

“Her Greek counterpart is Aphrodite.” 

They stared at each other. If Sirius bent forward just enough their noses would be touching. So he did. Remus breathed stuttered, his eyes fluttering.

“Sirius…” It was a confession. “Please Padfoot, if you’re taking the piss.” It was a plea. And something else clicked in Sirius’ head. He closed his eyes,

“Moony. I can’t stop thinking about you. About your laugh, and your smile, and your eyes. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since last summer. When we said goodbye at King’s Cross and I felt like you were taking a piece of my heart. Ever since then… I… Remus… I’m, I’m not taking the piss. I couldn’t do that to you.” Blood was rushing in his ears and his heartbeat was so fast it hurt. His mind was working in overdrive and not working at all. 

Remus had been silent for a few too many beats. Sirius shut his eyes tighter. 

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I just, I read it wrong, I’m sorry. I-“

But then Remus was kissing him. Sirius had kissed other people before, but it wasn’t like this. They didn’t feel like fireworks in his eyes, and shooting stars in his chest. They didn’t feel like every smile and every laugh put into a bottle and exploding around him. If he knew kissing could be like this he would have kissed Remus a long time ago. He was pretty sure the fireworks weren’t because of kissing, but because of kissing Remus. But, then just like that it was over. Sirius’ brain was mush and his chest hurt. When he dared to open his eyes again Remus was staring at him. Completely open, vulnerable. He had unshed tears in his eyes.

“Of course I feel the same way. Christ, Sirius, I’ve felt that way for a long time. I thought, well I thought it was impossible.”

“Oh yeah? How long?” He smirked. Remus laughed wetly, and moved to wipe his tears away. Sirius took his hand in his and kissed the escaping tear drops off his face. 

“Since fourth year.” It was a whisper, and Sirius kissed his cheek, his lips, his nose, his cheek. He pushed their foreheads together and thought I’ve never felt lighter. They sat there for a few beats, breathing each other in and out. 

“Is this why you’ve been so weird around me? Why you kept asking about Dearborn?” Remus sounded hesitant. To ask or to know, Sirius didn’t know. 

“Yeah, apparently I’m not as good at hiding my feelings as someone else I know.”

Remus smiled and kissed him. Sirius basked in the attention for a few moments before reluctantly breaking the bond. 

“Why did you think it was impossible?”

“I just never thought I could have this. Or something like this. I had accepted that I wouldn’t find someone to love me. And I never expected it to be you. You’re perfect Sirius, a little brazen and reckless, but it makes you perfect. And you're handsome, and talented, and so smart. And my best friend. And everyone throws themselves at you. And I just thought you would want to be with someone that can keep up with you.”

“For the smartest person I know, you really can be so thick. I’ve loved you- werewolf and all- since we were eleven. Everyone else,” Sirius shook his head, “I don’t care about everyone else. Never have. I realized this summer that it was always going to be you. You’re so beautiful, and cunning and brave and kind. You’re so kind Remus. I’ve never deserved you’re kindness.”

Remus cupped his cheek and smiled. “Let’s stop doing that, okay? Let’s stop, I don’t know, worrying about what we deserve? It doesn’t matter. Let’s just love each other anyway.”

Sirius nodded and kissed him and kissed him.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you SO much for reading!! This is my first public fanfic ever! I've been in fandoms for a decade, but I just found the inspiration to write for fun recently. If you have any advice or constructive feedback I'd love to hear it in the comments <3 You can find me on tumblr @i-risewiththe-moon


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